“I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk into darkness, but will have the light of life.”
When I was a child, I could say that I was so submissive when it comes to God. It may be because I grew up in a family who value God more than anything else. And so I have to conform to the faith that they have. I always go to Sunday service and join church activities. I was in high spirits whenever God is on the line. That’s why even though we moved to another place, which was far from the church, I tried all means to constantly worship Him. I was pleased and contented with what I was doing and even thought that I was ready to wholeheartedly give my life for the Lord.
After one year, we came back to our former house. I thought everything would go well now that I was back to my old church. But an unseen transformation happened. Because of i-don’t-know reasons, I turned away from God. It’s not that I became an atheist or something worst, it’s just that I barely see God as an important person in my life. My studies became my utmost priority. I let myself be preoccupied by the things that concerned me most. Hence, I paid no attention to the things that deserve my greatest attention. Despite my mother being so pushy just for me to go to church, I still skip Sunday services. And even if I had been successful in convincing myself to listen to the sermon, I always end up lost in thought. Though honestly, I didn’t mind it because I thought God would understand.
Things were getting out of hand. Even my attitude towards other people wasn’t that pleasing and my life became so monotonous and incorrigible that I get sick just by thinking about it. It’s as if I was just existing, not living. This went on for years. However, just when I thought I would be forever like that, someone from the church talked to me and shared her faith shamelessly.
And that’s when I decided to change. I know I should change. I have to. Or else I would end up miserable for the rest of my life.
But the problem was I didn’t know where to start. My guilt cranked up a notch. What if God won’t accept? I admit I was frightened by this idea. But I know if I won’t do anything, I would be lost again.
Fortunately, workers from the church have come to bless me. God convicted me through the people who were compassionate enough to introduce me to a life that is more meaningful. Slowly and spite of my resistance, God was peeling away layer after layer of wrong thinking, wrong values and wrong desires. Consequently, I became more open to the things that I have been ignoring for the past years. God gave me this life not to waste it but to use it for His ministry. It’s His grace, His mercy that motivated me to live my life differently. They said that if we truly trust ourselves to the Lord, we die t our old way of living. And I know I am no longer living for myself, I am now living for God. And I’m glad I was not too late.
