A cool wind whipped across the MRT Station, causing me to shiver and to hunch into my jacket. This was one of the December mornings that always put my mind into haze. The whole station’s jam-packed, mostly students and office employees trying to catch the first trip. I was still standing right at the ticket booth, telling myself for the third time to buy a ticket.
“This is ridiculous,” I told myself. I was standing right outside the MRT like an idiot, freezing to death, because I couldn’t gather the courage to enter.
After minutes of battling with myself, I finally made my way through the MRT, inching past the tangle of bodies to find a seat. After finding the last available free space I could find, I leaned against the seat and sighed deeply, “It’s been two years now, but it still hurts like hell.”
Two years had passed but Ricos’ memories had lingered. And I couldn’t deny that I was still helplessly in love with him. Though he was not the very first person I loved, he was at least the first one who really took my heart away. But each time the reality of the situation that was plaguing me began to creep into the edges of mind, I pushed it away, refusing to dwell on it during the mental hiatus I was allowing myself to take.
Despite my deep thinking, my sharp senses alerted me every time the door opens. And when I glance at the door, a woman came into view. Based on her looks, she was probably about my age. The woman was so pretty, with her Japanese delicate features she looked almost unreal. She had long silky-smooth hair that flowed freely down to her waist. And even with her white blouse and faded jeans, she still stood out on the crowd. Her refined face defied all rules of humanity.
She sat at a vacant place in front of me. And when I glanced at her, I was surprised to see her looking at me, half smiling. I smiled back. That’s when I noticed that the lady looked familiar. I was looking intently at her trying to remember where I saw her, when a voice was heard announcing that we were already in Shaw Boulevard Station. When I got out of the MRT, I saw a wallet lying on the ground. So I picked it up only to find out that it was the lady’s wallet. I hurried my way down the stairs hoping that the lady was still close. Luckily, I found her.
“Excuse me,” I said. She looked towards my direction and gave out a smile. “I think this is yours.”
“Oh! Thank you,” she said. I just smiled at her and when I turned to head towards my way, she stopped me.
“Wait!” she exclaimed. Confused, I turned to her. ”Since it’s because of you that I had my wallet back,” she paused, then let out a smile, “let me at least treat you a coffee or something.”
I was not really hungry or even in the mood for chitchat that morning. But still, I felt that something or rather someone was pushing me to grab the lady’s offer. “Sure. I know a place that offers great varieties of coffee,” I said shamelessly.
“By the way, I’m Reika. Reika Sawajiri. And you are?” she asked coyly while offering a hand.
“Theresa,” I said simply. But when I touched her hand, I felt something odd. I felt like somehow, there was a bond between us that I have just recently discovered. But I instantly dismissed the idea.
“I really missed this place,” I said while sipping from my mocha frappe. The walk from the station was ten minutes, and it was enough to know more about Reika. When we had our orders, we sat at the bench outside Coffee Haven.
“It’s like you’re often here,” she said
“Not really. It’s just that it witnessed all of my failures in life and, of course, in love.” I said simply. “This was the very same place where my last heartbreak happened,” I said with a hint of distress in my voice. “Let’s change the topic, I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
“No. It’s ok. I also want to listen, of course if you wouldn’t mind,” she said smiling though I felt sympathy from her. It was so odd that when I was with Reika, strange warmth suffused me, a sense of peacefulness only a true friend could give, and that for me only Ricos could give. It’s like Reika and I have been friends for a long time.
“Few of my relationships over the years had resulted in the frogs I’d kissed remaining frogs,” I said, “not one of them turning into a Prince Charming, not until he came. I really thought he would be perfect, but he turned out to be just like them. Or maybe, I was the one at fault, I was the one who caused him to go away,” I said smiling bitterly.
“Don’t blame yourself. Maybe he had personal reasons for leaving you,” she said. “Like, he doesn’t want you to get hurt or to suffer because of him.”
“Ricos is the most sensitive person I have ever met. He’s always not in the mood. He always thinks he’s superior and others should follow him. Most of the time, he brags about the things he have and often tells us that no matter how hard we try, we cannot be on his level. But you know what?” I asked while holding my tears “Even if others see him as a braggart and a self- absorbed person, he still has the gentlest heart, a heart that gives selflessly and unconditionally. That’s why even if he doesn’t love me anymore, even if I’m hurting, I’m still hoping that someday he will come back,” I said, then finally poured my heart out.
“Even if friendship is the only thing he could offer?” she asked hesitantly.
“Yes, even if friendship is the only thing he could offer,” I answered
I felt so connected to her, as though we had known each other for many years. How strange all of this was. Yet it was wonderful too.
“This is odd,” I said, then looked at her. “I was actually beginning to believe that somehow, I did know you.”
She smiled and without a word, she grabbed my arms and hugged me tightly as if we have just seen each other after years of parting.
“Sometimes you have to adjust your brain to hear what you’re heart already knows.”
Then it finally struck me! I had finally grasped the reason for the sincerity I had felt. The person in front of me was the very same person who let me feel how to be treasured dearly. I didn’t know what to do. I sank onto the bench and scooted into the middle, accurately aware that my legs were trembling so badly, they were about to give way beneath me. I drew a shuddering breath, and then looked directly at Reika who was standing in front of me. I opened my mouth to speak, but my lips wavered, soundless.
“I’m sorry for everything, for lying to you and for letting you live in the shadow of a lie. I didn’t mean to, but I just can’t hide it anymore,” he said, “I couldn’t offer you my heart … but I could offer you my life.”
I hugged him. The only shadow hovering over me is the realization that I would never see Ricos again. But the thought of having him as Reika is far better than not seeing him at all.
And for a while, I wanted to have this world only for the two of us. For a while, I wanted to be with this man I had learned to love and accept. And for a while, I wanted to dream that he was still the person I used to love. Though I knew that this was just for a while, I couldn’t help but to savor this stolen moment, to believe that this maybe forever.
Before reality awoke me, I wanted to feel that even for a while….
